Never Fall In Love Again
by neverfallx3
Summary: OneShotHG “Don’t go.” It’s all I can think of. I know he can’t stay. His muscles relax slightly and he grasps me tighter than ever. I can feel his warm breath on the back of my neck as he whispers, “I love you.” Why didn’t I say it back?


Never Fall In Love Again

When he let me go I understood why he had to do it. His mind was in meltdown; imagine saving the world and trying to squeeze in dates with your girlfriend. Imagine the one you were saving the world from finding out about the one you loved. Imagine where that could lead.

I thought that he would come back to me. Like a knight in shining armour he would ride up on his steed having defeated the enemy and whisk me away to happily ever after. Why did I think that? The way my life is heading at the moment I don't know if I'll ever see him again, let alone mean anything to him. I loved him for five years. He loved me for less than one. Maybe he still does. But maybe I'll never find out.

I hate to sound depressing at the start of my story. But I'm telling it as it happens. And right now I'm caught somewhere in the middle, on an island. Each bridge from this island has a gate with a lock and I'm trapped between them. I can't move on, my heart's locked that possibility far away. I can't tell him I can't live like this; I don't know where he is or how to find him, besides, it's too dangerous. I can't try and do it for myself by swimming away; the current's too strong, I'll be swept away and gone forever.

The one option I'm left with is to cling to the lone rock sitting on my tiny island and wait for him to come to me. If he doesn't come back I'll be stranded on this island forever. If he doesn't come back. . .

I don't know what I'll do.

I just need him to come back.

"_You'll be okay." It's the first night of summer and I've made my way to his muggle home for one last goodbye. A cold wind whips my hair across my face as a silent tear slides down my cheek. He takes off his jacket and wraps it around my shaking shoulders. The light of a muggle streetlamp casts a dim glow over us as we stand outside his temporary home. Understanding at last that the shaking is crying, not chill, he pulls me close._

"_When will you come back?" I whisper hoarsely, just able to choke out the words. I feel him brace his shoulders; I know the answer already._

"_I don't know." The three small words establish my worst fear. _

"_Don't go." It's all I can think of. I know he can't stay. His muscles relax slightly and he grasps me tighter than ever. I can feel his warm breath on the back of my neck and my hot tears stinging down his._

"_I love you."_

Why didn't I say it back?

I love you.

I love you.

I do.

So why couldn't I say it?

He was leaving me to save the world. Wrapped in my own, selfish thoughts, I took it that he was just lying and I wasn't important to him. I should have just said it. But I didn't. Why should he come back now? He thinks I don't love him. That was the beginning of this summer, just after the end of my fifth year and his sixth. Now I may never see him again. And even if I do, things will never be the same.

I love him.

I didn't tell him.

- - -

A girl stands before me, her lavish strawberry hair elegantly pulled up into a braided bun atop her head, a braid on either side framing her once pretty, now worn and tired-looking face. She is tall now, in the course of eight weeks she has grown several inches. Her birthday has been and gone, at last she is sixteen and a woman. A delicate pale blue summer dress hugs her slim figure, petite heeled sandals on her small feet. The girl should be beautiful; her mother and friends have slaved over her outfit and make up with their wands for hours. She is beautiful; but her expression seems weary and depressed beyond belief.

I stand before the mirror; the girl is me.

My mother and my friends have left. They know I need time alone.

He might be coming today. We've all been waiting for and anticipating this wedding for weeks now; he's practically family, of course he was invited. But no one knows yet whether he will actually turn up. Word has reached us through the Order that he's destroyed two of the horcruxes already. He's nearing the end of his mission already. I know he'll complete it and survive, I have faith in him. But will he come back to me?

Why should he?

My mother pokes her head around the door. "Ginny dear, we're starting soon." I turn and give her a small, brave smile. She slips back through the door and I turn to face the mirror. I take a long, deep breath as I look at myself. I'm not going to be wrapped up in myself. This is my brother's wedding and I will not spoil it for him.

As I reach the bottom of the stairs with a joyful smile plastered on my face, I sweep the room with my eyes quickly. He isn't here. I'm unsure whether I should be relieved or distraught.

"Ginny!" Luna. How I adore her. She's the rock that I cling to in order to keep me from falling into the water. She's dressed in shockingly white dress robes, adorned with her infamous Butterbeer corks necklace and a set of obscure earrings. I rush over to her and grab her hands with a real smile on my face at last. "He's not here yet." She whispers in my ear as we hug. She says 'yet'. Does that mean he's coming?

"Thanks. It's good to see you!" I coo in reply. She grins from ear to ear.

"Can everybody please take their seats!" my mother calls imminently. Luna waves ecstatically as she is rushed off her feet with the crowd into the garden. A basket of flowers is thrust into my hands. "See you there sweetie." Says my mother as she rushes off after them. I stand beside the back door, holding it open as the last of the crowd disappear through it. I peep into the garden; white benches are lined up on each side of the garden with an aisle in between. At the end stands a wooden archway with flowers growing up it. At the foot of it stands my brother Bill, wringing his hands and breathing deeply. I can't help but smile.

"Eez eet time?" says a strong French accented voice behind me. I wheel round and come face to face with my sister-in-law-to-be, Fleur. After losing him I gave up on hating her. There's enough bad in the world already. Fleur looks stunning, unbelievably beautiful. I nod eagerly and she smiles at me as she steps through the back door. Music strikes up and she begins to pace down the aisle arm in arm with her father. A hand grasps my shoulder; it's Gabrielle.

"You go," I whisper and she steps through the doorway after her sister, a basket identical to mine in her arms. After she has taken a step I make to follow her, but there's a loud crack behind me and I spin round in shock.

He came.

"Ginny-" he whispers hoarsely just before he catches sight of the wedding behind me. I'm paralyzed in shock, my eyes wide and frozen. I shake my head violently and turn on my heel and leg it out of the door until I have caught up with Gabrielle who is just a few steps ahead. No one has noticed the little kafuffle. Thank goodness. As we reach the end of the aisle and stand still, however, people notice him slip into the back row. My mother squeals quietly in delight and there is a lot of muttering amongst the guests for a moment which dies down as the ceremony begins.

I watch him as it goes on; catching glimpses of him whenever I'm certain he's looking in another direction. He's just seventeen, but he's already a man. His hair is longer; messy. His hazel eyes are deep and he's muscular but not ripped. He's dressed in casual muggle attire which is dirty, as if he hasn't had time to change before the ceremony. He's incredibly handsome. I feel that same familiar feeling of want and desperation well up in my chest again and the tears begin to gather in my eyes. I tilt my head back slightly, willing the tears not to fall. Too late. They're gone and streaming down my face. I turn my head straight to the happy couple; my tears are easily mistaken for tears of joy. It's a hasty cover but I see my mother smile out of the corner of my eye.

"You may kiss the bride." I smile hastily for my brother and my sister-in-law but it fades as quickly as it appears. Gabrielle squeals and embraces me in a hug. As I look over her shoulder I see him at the back again. He's looking at me and my tears are still there. He knows what they're for. He's the only one who does. For one slight, cold moment, a slip in time, his gaze locks mine and I feel a strong longing such that I've never felt before. Then Gabrielle releases me and the happy couple are running down the aisle and into the house. Everyone chases them through, throwing magical confetti over them which floats around them and sparkles. Gabrielle grabs my arm as we chase through the garden, but soon she's lost me through the crowd. I follow at the back.

He's there too.

I don't look at him. I won't let myself think about him. He isn't even there in my mind. Just smile, throw confetti, at least try and look happy for my brother. Harry hasn't said a word and he already has a firm grip on my heart. One false move and he'll wrench it out for good. Fleur and Bill climb into their thestrel-drawn carriage (not my idea, but it's their wedding) and speed off into the glowing sunset. The retiring party makes its way into the living room where an after-wedding party is being held. Fleur and Bill decided beforehand they'd rather just get away without the reception so we're left to have it alone. As soon as I'm inside, I run straight for the bathroom and bolt the door, seating myself on the toilet lid. After a few minutes, when the music has started and the noise level is on the rise, there is a soft knock on the door.

"Ginny?"

- - -

It's okay. Just Luna. For a fleeting moment I thought it might be . . . never mind. I unbolt the door and she slips inside, fastening it behind her. Her large transparent eyes take in my hunched figure. Ever since the start of this summer, eight weeks ago, when Harry left and I told her everything, she seemed to become more . . . real. It's like she's actually there. I won't say I don't miss the old Luna, but it's nice to have a friend who can listen and advise without changing the topic to the Rotfang Conspiracy at every opportunity. After she's looked me up and down, she raises an eyebrow in a motherly way.

"You need to talk to him." She doesn't need to ask what's wrong. All those years she seemed strange and different she was also taking in everything and everyone around her. She has matured now. I shiver regardless of the fact that the room is warm and bury my face in my arms.

"I don't want to," I reply.

"Boys don't like me," she says. Awkward moment. One of those strange sentences of hers that are true; but what do you say to them? "But I can see you need to speak to him." I sigh into my arms and nod slowly, acknowledging that yes, I do. "Ready to go outside?" she asks, pulling off a square of toilet roll and handing it to me. I wipe my eyes with it and twitch my nose.

"Sure," I reply, throwing the toilet roll in the bin and checking my appearance in the mirror before I follow her out. People are dancing, food is being served, it's still light outside, a faint glow of sunshine on the horizon. Luna leads me to where her father, my parents, and a group of other people are talking.

"And here is the second bridesmaid!" my father says happily, opening his arms in welcome. I hug him and step away. "We were just talking about how odd it is we can all be so happy in times like this." He continues. "It truly is miraculous, isn't it!" I nod appreciatively. Luna clears her throat quietly ad exchanges looks with her father.

"Actually, it's all an enormous cover up," her father states as if it's fact. Everyone exchanges wary glances and interested mutterings.

"I don't suppose any of you have ever heard of the Rotfang Conspiracy?" Luna chimes in, searching people's faces for a sign of recognition. I can't help but smile. As Luna launches into an explanation assisted by her father, a hand grasps my arm and pulls me back. I find myself face to face with Harry.

"Dance with me?" he offers, sliding his hand down my arm until he's holding my hand. I nod quickly, following my heart before my brain gets a chance to think. He leads me into the thick crowd of people who are dancing to Simply Magic's latest slow song hit. Harry takes me right into the centre of the crowd where no one can hear us if we speak. As he wraps his arms around me, I realise the irony of the song.

_Can't you hear me?_

_I don't know what to do_

_I'm sorry about what happened_

_I should have told you_

_When will you fly home?_

_I just want you to see_

_Since you left me all alone_

_I'm bruised; I'm not me_

_I didn't mean what I said, _

_Or what I didn't say_

_But I want to tell you now,_

_So come home today_

Harry seems uncomfortable, he must have realised the cruel irony of the words also. I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes as the crowd sends us in a slow circle.

"We need to talk," Harry mutters into my ear. I nod. As the song ends and the words drain away, Harry leads me out of the house and into the garden, where the sun has gone down at last and only the faint light of the moon remains. Harry sits down on a white painted bench and I sit beside him, looking into his eyes, taking him in all over again.

"Let's play a game," he says at once.

"I thought you wanted to talk?" I say sceptically.

"The game is called Truth," he replies, disregarding my comment entirely. "I'll ask you a question, you have to answer truthfully. Only yes or no answers. Then you can ask me one, and the same rules apply." I smirk.

"Doesn't sound like much of a game to me," I reply playfully.

"You can start," he says. I pause and think about it for a moment, but my mind already has a whole list of questions that have been building up over the past two months. Finally I have the chance to ask him all of them and all I can do is mess around?

That's just what he does to me.

"Have you really destroyed two horcruxes?"

"Yes." There's a pause. "Have you been okay this summer?" Another short silence.

"No." I reply simply. Harry looks up and his eyes are full of sadness and regret. "Are you nearly finished fighting You-Know-Who?" I choke out quickly. Everything in his expression says he's unsure. But he has to have a definite answer.

"No." I close my eyes briefly and shake off the grief that overwhelms me. I just want him back. Harry lifts my chin with his hand and smiles into my eyes. "Are you and your family going back to Hogwarts next week?" he asks.

"Yes," I reply definitely. Simple question. I know he's building up the easier ones to the hardest question of all. Now I can't remember any of my questions. There's only one question in my mind remaining. But I can't ask that. It's too early in the game. "Are you?" I ask quickly.

"I might be," he replies, shrugging his shoulders. I shake my head.

"You broke the rules. Yes or no only," I correct him.

"Fine, so ask another question," he says imperiously, staring at me. Now it's time to ask the question in my mind.

"Do you still love me?" I ask. I suddenly feel weary and old, as if in the course of a summer I've matured and become a middle aged woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders. I stare into his big hazel eyes and watch as he looks from one of my eyes to the other over and over. There's no smile on his face, and there's no longer any trace of a smile on mine.

"Yes."

How am I supposed to feel?

"Did you ever love me?" he asks quickly in follow-up.

"Yes."

The pauses between each question are excruciating. It's the slowest moment of my life. Again he begins to speak, regardless of the fact that it's my turn to ask a question.

"Do you love me now?"

I turn my head violently to the right so that he won't see the tears sparkling in my eyes. I've never liked it when people see me cry. What shocks me is when he gruffly reaches out and pulls my chin to face him. I stare into his eyes, almost trembling with fear, but grit my teeth. His rough hand is still holding my jaw. I can't believe this is Harry treating me like this. I look at him fiercely.

"Yes."

Stunned for a moment, he drops his hand and I rub my jaw line stubbornly. He gazes off into the distance, the ferocity and hardness gone from his eyes, and I can finally see Harry beyond the worn exterior. He's matured and he's changed but he's still the same Harry.

He glances over at me, the corner of his mouth raised slightly in a small but meaningful smile.

Before the night is over he's gone. But the old Ginny is back as I hurry about serving drinks and chatting with the wedding guests. He has a job to do and it's going to take him a long time. But I don't mind. I love him and he loves me.

And I'll wait for him.

A/N: The song lyrics are by me, which is why they suck and why I haven't cited them. Please review.


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